This Might Be an Urban Legend
The White Guy, The Mexican Lady and the Cat
Tales from the East Side of the Lake
Once Upon a Time, there was a crazy Mexican Lady who thought she fell madly in love. She was also pregnant with 17 pounds worth of twins. The beautiful Mexican goddess, tall, with luscious, curly hair, and decadent brown skin, married a gringo. Legend says that the marriage was perfect, until the day she learned how to speak english. The wedding was backyard beautiful, and the bride wore pink, and there were little dainty pink flowers everywhere, and everyone ate cherries. Then, the Princess moved into a large-ish, two story home with nice carpet. The house was clean, you could tell by the light colored furniture. Also, you couldn’t eat popcorn in the living room, which wasn’t really a big deal – especially because its one of the reasons white people are so thin and healthy. They don’t eat snacks in front of the t.v, the put lots of ice in their soda, and they chew each morsel 34 times. What WAS a big deal, was that The Gringo was, a miser. The poor lady could not get a dollar for herself. She kept the home and cared for her husband, yet she could not buy herself even a toothbrush without having to show the old one to that sorry excuse for a provider.
It was nearly impossible to get enough gas money to visit her mother. Nearly – because this Tonantzin was resourceful. She managed. She would buy extra groceries and laundry soap – selling the extra product to her sister; she would also groom the cat. You can’t even tell the difference anyway. Every two weeks, instead of driving the cat to the salon, she would dunk the cat in the tub, blow dry it, and adorn it with a huge red bow. She got better at cat grooming every other week, learning and mastering new techniques. They do their nails too you know? And there’s this special collar so that you don’t have to take the fleas out one by one.
Unfortunately, Cenicienta cut one too many corners. That weekly lottery ticket, should have been bought. Because are millionaire misers still misers? Pues… The stairs of that marriage led straight into a dungeon filled with nightmares of a Chicana llorana driving buses at night instead of haunting a river, yet still feeling the pain of her missing children. If only she’d accepted to be an indentured servant for 16 years with no promise of any sort of future afterwards. The story continues, everybody is still alive and eventually happily ever after will come – if not, we’re all fucked -because it doesn’t exist.