A cross purpose, is when you say one thing, and do or believe another. Its your very own personalized manner of getting in your own way. Cross purposes can be eating cheeseburgers while trying to lose weight or refusing to use alarms when you are always late. Im guilty of many cross purposes like buying organizational tools and then losing them or leaving them in the car. I make up jogging routes so that I can lose weight, and then I don’t jog. I have made budgets only to break them, and I yell at my kids while telling them to be respectful of each other.
Its easy to see cross purposes in other people too, like when scrolling through Facebook and reading about how people want to “keep drama away.” That’s always funny to me, if you want to keep drama away, then stop entertaining, creating, and talking about drama. Its as bad as calling someone to tell them you’re never going to call them again. The best thing about cross purposes, is recognizing and clearing them. Here is the one cross purpose I have to clear around today: Men are capable beings.
I believe this. Men, like women, are human beings capable of love, respect, building intuition, caring for children, working hard, and figuring stuff out. Men are good friends, parents, siblings and children. Men are a worthy part of society, fun to hang out with, good looking, and beings of light. Deep inside my heart I believe this, but I have been (unknowingly – until recently) teaching everyone around me otherwise, simply by being part of a society that expects men to be stupid, uncaring, unemotional, and barbaric.
I laugh at the “dumb man” portrayed on TV, social media, and other advertisements, sometimes going as far as to remember similar things men in my life have done. I roll my eyes with other moms at “dad stuff” like playing rough, or throwing kids in the air, we shrug our shoulders as if to say “men will be men” or “at least they are around.” We also tend to get surprised when after a divorce the dad sticks around, in a full fledged manner. We get surprised when after parents break up a man stays a part of their childs’ life as much as the mom does. Why is that surprising? Its sad. As a society, after a break up, we only really expect men to be around some weekends and some afternoons. Lets change our expectations.
Let’s also stop “guys do that,” or even “some guys do that.” Men make up roughly half the population, so chances are that “some guys do that” is true, but only because there is so many of them!
Have you ever feel tenderness while looking at pictures of dads combing their little girls’ hair because “that’s so beautiful!” And it is, but its also, um, normal? I mean, if you have a kid, and the kid has hair, and you’re a parent, then brush their hair, right? But we, as society, with our stupid inability to create normalcy in good parenting situations swoon over men who do little girl hair. Its cute and all, but, have you seen MY hair? I thinks its pretty friggin swell that I can comb somebody else’s hair too! Swoon dangit!
I am ready to clear all of the beliefs that keep the men around me from being anything other than sane, beautiful beings, full of love. Sure, guys can still be guys, but lets not let that mean that they have to be or do stupid things.