Sacrifice Is Overrated

Sacrafice-2I often get uncomfortable whenever I have a parent near me, eager to find a common ground says: “We all make sacrifices for our kids, right?” I have a mixture of feeling sorry for the person, while feeling a little guilty in myself, while gauging what the best way to respond to someone who thinks that sacrificing for their children equals love. It feels very raw and pure, and emotional, to know that you would take a bullet for someone, give the shirt off your back, share the food from your own plate. If I didn’t have any, I would give you what I don’t have and that equals love, right? No. Not really. Not at all.

What you are actually doing by creating these metaphorical catastrophe, in order to show love, is creating lack. Its also creating, pain, co-dependance, and gore. Why not, instead of creating debilitating situations, to show,that even at your worst you would express love -you create abundance instead? Instead of giving our child the shirt off our backs, lets create a new shirt so we can both have one. Not enough food? Share it anyway. Don’t want to share? Then fast out of love, not sacrifice.

Imagine your parents sacrificing for you. Imagine your mom working late at night so that you could have new clothes. Wouldn’t you rather your mom be with you and use hand me downs? It doesn’t really feel good and enjoyable to have something while another is in lack as a direct consequence. How can I enjoy my meal, knowing that your belly is gnawing in hunger?

Let’s let go of the limitations belief that sacrifice shows love. Sacrifice is lack, love is love. Lets create more love. Next time you feel like sacrificing, think of what choices you have besides destroying something for the sake of something else.

Your Words are Magic

yourwordsaremagicYesterday after my littlest girl told my little girl that she was “mean” and “a bad sister.” I had to take the time to tell her to be kind. As her 3-year-old body sat down for a talk, I could tell, that she did not care about what I had to say. I did what I usually do when I am at a loss for how to guide my kids. I closed my eyes and gave her a hug. I filled her with love and light, and then these words came from my mouth:

“Magic is real, and you have it in you. Your magic is your words. When you say nice, beautiful things to your sister, you are filling her with love and light. When you say mean, hurtful words, you are bringing darkness.”

We then talked about words, and the different feelings we feel, when we use them. We talked about adding extra magic with our words by smiling and hugging. And then she ran off to give her sister some magic. All was well.

Until the older sister got bored, and used some choice words to make the younger sister cry.

That, was when we took our magical learning to a whole new level. That, was when we learned how to make a shield to protect ourselves from the mean words of others.

To be continued…



When Did Our Bodies Stop Being Perfect?

Your Body is PerfectMy 18 month old son loves his body. He loves having feet, and toes, and ears, and hair. Having a body is pure fun for him. He looks in the mirror and sees wonder and fun. Sometimes, he presses his nose on random surfaces, just to feel. Babies and kids are just like that, perfect. Their bellies are cute, their rowdy curls are adorable, their big eyes are love inducing, and there little feet are forward moving.

But then you look at adults – and its a world of difference. Our hair is something we tame, we are uncomfortable in our own bodies, we critique ourselves, we judge. I do it too – a 35 year old with a huge belly in a red bikini doesn’t look as cute to me as the 4 year old with the same description.

So when did our bodies stop being perfect? When did we make the transition from being in full wonder with our toes, to: “My arm flab, uh?” But more importantly, how do we go back?

Doing Without

Doing Without_ An Opportunity to do things differently. by melissacota.comAfter my oldest was born was mom was there, to remind me, that I never did without, and that my child should never do without either. My income did not matter, what mattered was that my little baby girl, who could not walk yet, had the best shoes available. Only leather, of course, let her feet be accustomed to the good stuff. Four month old babies NEED swim lessons nowadays, and of course, ballet is of supreme importance. Now that I have three kids and live so far away that nobody I grew up around can drop in on me – I’ve developed rules that are a little different. For example, my youngest, didn’t get his first pair of real shoes until his first birthday because babies don’t need shoes anyway. I may have let my husband splurge on a pair for a family picture, but those were promptly lost – never to be seen again.

Then last month, an unexpected bill, mixed with an unexpected this, turned into an unexpected that and wow, my grocery money is a fraction of what I’m used to. My Momma Bear complex came back with a vengeance. I DONT CARE HOW MUCH MONEY I HAVE, MY KIDS WILL NOT DO WITHOUT!!! I searched, and surfed, and looked, and counted, and meal planned. I shopped at varies different stores, but only if I had other things to do in that part of town so as not to waste any extra money on gas. I made sure that I put delicious, nutritious, organic, sustainable food on the table just like always. My kids and husband barely noted the difference (except for my constant bragging on how much money I saved). At the end, I was in awe of the reality. I can feed my family, delicious, nutritious, food at a fraction of the cost. AND. That’s a whole lot of work, to make sure you don’t have to eat quesadillas and beans for dinner three days in a row. Quesadillas and beans are GOOD.

And that’s how I was able to reach a whole new level of doing without, and how its ok. We ran out of butter? Eat your toast dry. You ran out of syrup? Skip the french toast and have (dry) bread and scrambled eggs instead. Ran out of oil? Make soup. All this time, I have been in fear of doing without, when all it is, is an opportunity to do things differently. Doing without is not the same as living in poverty. Doing without, is an exercise in questioning: What is it we really NEED to be happy?

Stop Asking For Help

stopaskingnormal*From Normal People

Sometimes its a good idea to get advice from your Elders, because they have been around longer, and know how certain things work already. Sometimes, its a great idea to google something you don’t quite understand, because the collective knowledge of the internet is vast and can teach you lots. Often times, we NEED the help of our friends and family because they are our support system.

And sometimes we need to realize that we are surrounded by normal people, who have limiting beliefs. Normal people have debt, normal people have relationship issues, normal people have aches and pains, normal people work hard and play hard, normal people just want to be happy, normal people KNOW that life has it limits and a rulebook. Normal people believe that Doctors know best, normal people think you just have to put up with certain things. Normal people HATE everyday chores and force themselves to do it anyway. Normal people have HATE. Normal people have nice houses and nice cars. Normal people are basic, because normal people don’t believe in fairy tales.

Go find yourself a weirdo to get your advice from. Weirdo’s dress for comfort and self love. Weirdo’s know how to love life, weirdo’s can walk barefoot in the grass (while the normal folk are afraid of dog poop), weirdo’s know that abundance is for everyone, and not just the rich and famous. Weirdo’s are comfortable alone and know that its better than being around energy suckers. Weirdo’s know how to be happy.

Sure, you can get relationship advice from someone who has been divorced three times. They DO know a lot about relationships. But you can also get relationship advice from that couple who never married and has been living in bliss for the last 20 years. Find people whose lives work for them, and duplicate it on your universe.

You are amazing, please give me your weirdest advice. I’d love to hear it.

Procrastination Through Hard Work

Procrastination is putting stuff that you know you have to do off. We punish our procrastinating selves by calling us lazy, or stupid, or shrugging and saying that’s just what we do. There is more to it than that. When you find yourself procrastinating, stop punishing yourself, and start looking at what the problem REALLY is. For example, I have a business at but I PROCRASTINATE, on it. Why? Because I can’t really pinpoint the niche of my business and it makes me feel silly. Is this business good enough? Would anyone buy my services? If someone does buy my services, will they find a good value in it? What makes me qualified to sell this? What if I have let my customers down? What if I get too busy and don’t have time for my kids?

Instead of stopping, and looking at my “real” concerns, I’ve been procrastinating. Through HARD WORK. I put a lot of time and effort, into learning new skills. I have taught myself basic web design, I can make awesome graphics on canvas, I have a successful Etsy Shop, I can teach you about SEO, I can market through Pinterest…  Did I mention I taught myself basic web design? Ive read books on Social Media Strategies (always use the same picture so people know for sure its you!), I’ve created a brand, I am the Captain of Teams on Etsy, I have found mentors to help me along.  Ahhhhhhhh. I have been WORKING HARD AND LEARNING LOTS. And procrastinating. Because the truth is that I have been working on all of those other skills so that I can NOT have to set up my services on my website and NOT have to put my business out there.

It feels good to be sincere. Im going to add more services to my site today. Im being silly. I am an AMAZING writing coach, and I know it. And now I’m feeling like a motivator too. So, whatever YOU have been procrastinating on – STOP IT. Exercising does make a difference, you can mend that button, pump gas in the car NOW, EAT THAT FROG!!!

If You Want To Be a Writer: Write

When I visualize my perfect life, its pretty much as I live it now – but RICH. My curtains are art pieces, my windows are tinted, my clothes is organically sourced from natural fibers. I hang out and go to yoga, play with my kids, plan vacations, and go on picnics. All that stuff like laundry, cooking, organizing, household shopping, someone else takes care of that. I hang out, journal, crochet, embroider, or send out Mail Art. Life would be just perfect if I could just write out a best selling novel, had it turned into a multi million dollar movie, and got  paid to travel promoting it. It feels like if the back of my head has been writing this story for years – but when I sit down, it doesn’t flow from me. Until it begins to flow, I will continue doing what I love: journaling, sending letters, playing with my kids, and hanging out. Why force myself to eat fruit that is not yet ripe?


So if you want to be a writer: write. If you want to hang out with your kids: hang out with your kids. If you want to run a marathon: run a marathon. But if you only yearn for the celebration of completing a task, then do something else, life is too short to do tasks that you don’t love.

Im gonna go write someone a letter.

Mind Your Own Business

In third grade, I had to sit next to Cesar Lopez, who I did NOT have a crush on. Cesar used to collect pencil shavings to sprinkle on my work and I used to add random periods to his sentences. We were both often in just enough trouble to stay on the teachers radar, but not enough trouble, to be trouble. One day, Cesar was at a special reading class, and I was busy, fixing his sentences. Ms. Nowell looked straight at me, and told me: “Mind your own business.” I was literally confused, I had never heard that phrase before. Was I in trouble? What was I supposed to be doing? I proceeded to start erasing my extra marks from Cesar’s paper, when it was snatched from me: “Mind your OWN business.” Ms. Nowell said again.

And for the rest of the year, Ms. Nowell told me to mind my own business over and over again. She would tell Cesar to mind his own business too, whenever he would pull my hair, or kick my chair. And that’s how life went for two and a half decades. I would hear: “Mind your own business.” and I would translate to: “Leave Cesar alone.”

When I finally figured out (at 30 something years old) that I had been translating mind your own business  WRONGLY for decades, I wanted to kick myself. Mind your own business is such a powerful command, I and had it all wrong. Mind your own business doesn’t mean to leave other people alone! Mind your own business has NOTHING to do with other people. Mind your own business means to pay mind to your own happenings. Take care of your issues. What’s your business? Well then go take care of it!!! Mind your own business isn’t RUDE, its a LOVE command. Mind your own business, just means to pay more attention to yourself.

School could have been so much more productive for me, if I had initially translated “Mind Your Own Business” to “Take care of your own work.” I laugh at all the times I was told to mind my business, so I sat there quietly, not wanting to disturb anyone who was working diligently. I don’t make that mistake any longer. I mind my own business now.


I Make Delicious Beans

I make delicious beansI start off by adding hot water to my crock pot that is turned on high. I get 1 big pork neck bone (organic and antibiotic free) and add it to the pot. I sort my pound of beans on the biggest cutting board I have, laying them all flat so that I can easily see any pebbles and imperfections. I sort the (organic) beans and rinse them, then add them to the crock pot. I add half and onion and one large Chile Relleno Chile to it. After a while, I add some salt. My beans are delicious and they always come out that way.

But it hasn’t always been that way. My beans have not always tasted so delicious, that you can eat them in soup form, without adding buckets of lard to make them re-fried. I have been made fun for my beans plenty:

“I didn’t know beans could be al dente.” 

“Oh, you made black beans this time?”

Aren’t you Mexican?”

“Is this dinner?”

And, after finally starting to make delicious beans.

“Did your mom make these?”

I now make delicious beans so consistently delicious that I can make them for dinner, and nobody will cry. And this is why I’m bragging (yes- my beans are brag worthy) because I took this thorn on my side that was in reality very embarrassing, and I fixed it through perseverance and dedication. I laughed at myself, I made myself eat nasty beans, I threw away beans, I gave beans a rest only to try to cook them again, and then I conquered the beans. And my life is better for it. Life improvements don’t always come as clouds parting with the sun shining through them, and a big orchestra playing in the background while you smile in confidence. Sometimes life improvements are a minor as, dinner doesn’t suck anymore – because you learned to tame beans.

Why Would Your Guides Do That?

I have a Spiritual Counselor who helps me figure stuff out. Sometimes I call her in sheer desperation thinking that I’m somehow the only person who is going through whatever drama I’m going through, only to get reminded of how aligned I am with everyone else. She reminds me of the faces and phases of the moon, she knows what planets are aligned, and she understands that sometimes I see the whole picture, clear with details that everyone else misses, and still don’t get it. She is awesome, and the most awesome thing about her is that she reminds me of how awesome I am.

Recently we were talking about inner knowing and faith. I was chatting about how sometimes I am so connected with my surrounding that I can sense things are going to happen before they do. I can feel my surroundings, I can feel the people in them, and there is this sort of inner knowing that makes me feel confident and secure as to my life. I was getting ready to laugh at myself, for thinking I’m Psychic Patty or something, with the super power to read minds, but them she reminded me that this inner knowing is real. We as humans came to earth with guides, and they help when we let them.

There really is this voice inside our head that guides towards our better self. When you really get quiet and listen to what your body is telling you, the ability to tap into the best possible scenario emerges. “Its not possible” I argued. “Sometimes there are five different voices in my head telling me what to do.”

“Now, why would your guides do that to you?” My Fairy Like Counselor asked me? I instantly knew – they wouldn’t. So then what are all those other voices we hear in our head, when we are trying to find answers in our everyday life? Its other people, and our egos. Its your mom, your ex, your best friend from third grade, and maybe even the lunch lady from your school, its also the part of you that fears and worries. When there are too many voices in your head, stop the chatter and listen to the voices one at a time. Disregard all of the voices that are not you (even your mom’s) and tell them to go back to where they came from. You know what is best for your life – listen to you, you got this.